Letters to Myself

Here's my latest theatre project, helping Dave Tinney and Rob Moffat put together a new show:

Letters to Myself

If you could say one thing to your 17 year old self, what would it be?

The UVU Department of Theatrical Arts is gathering letters from people world-wide to be made into a play called Letters to Myself. The Black Box Repertoire Company will tour the show to area middle schools and high schools during the Spring 2014 term. We want to hear from you! 

What makes a good letter?

• Confronting an honest, real-life issue that you feel passionate about
• The use of story
• Strong emotional content:  anger, laughter, despair, surprise
• A moment of clarity or hope
• A time when you were proven wrong or your world just got bigger

Be sure to include your contact info, if you want us to let you know if we use your letter.

How do you submit a letter?

• Email:  letterstomyselfUVU@gmail.com
• Mail:    “Letters to Myself” c/o David Tinney  FA 719 UVU  

    800 W. University Parkway, Orem, Utah 84058

• Post:    https://www.facebook.com/letterstomyselfUVU
• Text:     801 633-4918
• Tweet:  @LettersUVU

Come share your wisdom, your folly, your story...

Reaching Into the Void - The Healing Story Alliance

When I was at the National Storytelling Network’s conference, I also attended the Healing Story Alliance Pre-Conference. I’ve never done any sort of healing story work, but I’ve always watched with fascination those who did work in detention centers, hospitals, homeless shelters and a myriad of other places. I’ve always wanted to try, but never knew how. Did I need a counseling degree? How would I know how to meet another’s needs? There always seems to be a void between my background and skills and the needs I see all around me.

Attending the pre-conference was like taking the first step into that void and what I found was beautiful. Elisa Pearmain is a counselor who presented her work on forgiveness. She uses folk tales to get her clients to accept and overcome their past wounds and find a new way to rewrite their stories. One of my favorite things she said was, “Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having a better past.” She talked a lot about what forgiveness is, what gets in the way of it, how to grieve, having empathy for ourselves and finally, how to tell a new story. It was very powerful. You can learn more about her work at: http://www.wisdomtales.com

The Garden of Exile, Jewish Museum Berlin

We also heard from Pati Hernandez. She’s a fiery Chilean woman who works in the prison system in Vermont. I’ve heard of a lot of people doing story work in prisons, but what I loved about Pati’s Telling My Story program is she trains and brings a group of ivy league students to facilitate the program. These two very different worlds collide and begin to break down barriers. As they share their stories with each other and create a performance piece, both groups are changed. Pati brought along Kim, an alumni of the program who now serves on the board of Telling My Story. Kim’s involvement in the program was a turning point for her life. She now owns her own business and is attending college. You can see an amazing movie about Pati’s work, here: http://tellingmystorymovie.com/home.php

I learned that I didn’t need a specific degree to do healing story work, although it might not hurt to partner up with someone who does. One good place to start getting experience is to speak with an organization’s program or volunteer coordinator. I think the main thing is to be observant, listen intently, and as Pati’s says, “Be willing to be profoundly uncomfortable and to not know what you’re doing - yet wanting to be there. That’s beautiful; that’s courageous.” As I tentatively step further into the void, I’m going to keep that in mind.

To learn more about healing story work, visit the Healing Story Alliance at http://healingstory.org

A Fool's Errand

I haven’t done a lot of performance storytelling in the past couple of years as I’ve been finishing up my degree and developing my playwrighting, but attending the National Storytelling Network’s conference this past week reminded me, once again, that storytellers are my primary breed - my clan.

We’re a diverse group, but I would say the biggest commonality between us is a passion for crafting and telling stories in a meaningful way and a willingness to take the road less traveled. Armed only with story (our sword) and an open heart (leaving shield behind,) we are the Don Quixotes of our era, titling at the windmills of the world. Often we get knocked off our horses, but consider it a worthy part of the journey if it leads to the discovery of Dulcinea.

The conference allows us to be each other’s Sancho Panza, dusting each other off, raising our glasses and sharing a song. While I attended many amazing classes and events, it was the people that made the conference for me - the new ones I met and the acquaintances that deepened into friendships. Thanks to all who took time out to spend with me. It’s good to know I’m not the only fool on the road and I’m honored to share the journey with you.

“Too much sanity may be madness. And maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be.”  Miguel de Cervantes Saaverda, Don Quixote

Tell It To the Walls - My Year of Growing Graceful

I grew up in a society that values journal writing, but besides a few spurts here and there, I have never been a consistent journal keeper. I’ve had this running dialogue in my head telling me (in a rather disapproving tone,) “You should be passing down your stories” or “You’re never going to remember all this stuff!” or even, “You call yourself a writer? You don’t have a daily writing practice. You don’t have a way to capture all your creative thoughts!”  Yet all these “shoulds” never motivated me to get started.

Then at the beginning of the year, I read The Artist Way by Julia Cameron where she sets forth a practice called Morning Pages: Three written pages first thing every morning. Beyond the reasons given above, she uses journaling as a way to process your life. A place not only to explore what you think, but shape what you think. At the time I was trying to get past some heavy emotional issues, so I decided to give Morning Pages a try. What happened changed my life.

Tell It To the Walls - A Tamil/South Indian Tale

A poor widow lived with her two sons and two daughter-in-laws,

All four of them scolded and ill-treated her all day.

She had no one to whom she could turn and tell her woes.

As she kept her woes to herself...

She grew fatter and fatter.

Her sons and her daughter-in-laws now found that a matter of ridicule.

They mocked her for growing fatter by the day...

And asked her to eat less.

One day -

When everyone else had gone out somewhere -

She wandered away from home in sheer misery...

And found herself walking outside of town.

There she saw a deserted old house.

It was in ruins and had no roof.

She went in -

And suddenly felt lonelier and more miserable than ever -

She found she was unable to keep her miseries to herself any longer

She had to tell someone.

So she told all her tales of grievance against the first son...

To the wall in front of her.

As she finished...

The wall collapsed under the weight of her woes...

And crashed down to the ground in a heap.

Her body felt lighter as well.

Then she turned to the second wall...

And told it all her grievances against her first son’s wife.

Down came that wall...

And she became lighter still.

She brought down the third wall with her tales against her second son...

And the remaining fourth wall too...

With her complaints against her second daughter-in-law.

Standing in the ruins...

With bricks and rubble all around her...

She felt lighter in mood...

And lighter in body as well.

She looked at herself...

And found she had actually lost all the weight

She has gained in her wretchedness.

Then she went home.

This is exactly what has happened to me this year. I filled stacks of notebooks, I toppled walls, I unburdened mountains... and I am lighter. Over the months, the change has been remarkable; even miraculous. 

I have a friend who went to Africa with Richard Leider’s Inventure group and there around a campfire during a story, Richard said, “And as they told their stories, they grew graceful.” That phrase has become the theme and goal for my year.

I don’t know if I’m graceful yet, but hey, I’ve still got five months to go. I do know I still write my three pages every day, and you’ll find much more light and joy there. So with all the story work we do every day, let’s not forget the most important story: our own. The more we write it, the better we’ll live it.

Breathing Spaces

I recently reread one of my favorite plays, A Raisin in the Sun, by Lorraine Hansberry. I had first read it in my 20’s where it had a profound effect on me. I grew up in mostly-white California suburbia, so Hansberry’s play opened a door into a new and foreign world that grabbed me round the throat and knocked the air out of me. 

This time, after a span of 20 years, the effect was no less profound and much closer to home. I felt the playwright deftly described my own world and painfully laid bare its ambivalence and contradictions. Somehow the play was not only about the deferred dreams of black families, but also about the suffocating nature of being squished down to fit into a space that is defined by others who don't resonate with your truths; others, who at times attack, ridicule or even bleed the life out of the truth that burns inside of you.

I saw myself and others close to me mashed up and mixed into every page. Where are the spaces where it’s hard for you to breathe? Is there a relationship where a distorted image of you is constantly reflected? Are there times as a woman or minority when you hit up against walls of preconceived limitations? Are the very gifts that define you dismissed and devalued? Chances are, if you work in the arts, you have come to know these spaces very well.

I felt that suffocation as I read, and wondered - what's a person to do? We still need to live and choose to live in some of these spaces. We may feel it's our path to stay and learn from a difficult situation. We may have an end goal that is too important to abandon. Unless we want to be hermits, we all operate as members of different communities. But that leaves us with difficult questions:

Where do we fight and where do we compromise? Where do we speak out and where are we silent? Where do we integrate and where do we separate? These questions hit very deep for me with the ultimate one being how do I operate in this space while retaining integrity to my truths?

I have very few answers for any of this, but what the play reminded me of was the absolute necessity of holding on to those dreams and truths. All I know is when Walter was going to sell his home to that squirrelly little man - it felt like death. For me, I have to keep hope that my truths can define my spaces, even if it's only for me - to do otherwise is death. And lastly, I have to allow everyone their own journey, even if I don't agree with their truths. Where can I show compassion and patience for their truths so their spaces don't become defined by mine? 

One other thing I know: This is why I write - it’s one of those spaces where I breathe best.

Are Stories the Secret to Happiness?

I believe that Story can be a powerful tool in our families, businesses, schools and communities - but can stories also make us happier? Researcher Matt Killingsworth recently conducted a happiness study through an app and website called trackyourhappiness.org.  The app gathered over 650,000 reports from people all over the world as it asked three questions at random times: 1. How feel you right now? 2. What are you doing? and 3. Are you thinking about something other than what you're doing? a) no b) yes, something pleasant c) yes, something unpleasant d) yes, something neutral. 

The study revealed that people who were focused on the present moment were significantly happier than those who were "mind wandering." This proved true even for people stuck in traffic! The study also revealed that we spend 47% of our lives mind wandering, most of the time on unpleasant thoughts. We are churning our lives away with worries, anxieties and regrets, but when we simply focus on the present, it's like giving our overstressed brain a rest and this simple act increases happiness. 

This got me thinking about story. It's a well documented fact that story listeners often enter what is called the story trance - a qualitatively different state of consciousness. Slack-jaw, intent eyes and slow breath all indicate someone who is being present and immersed in story. As we relax and focus, our hearts and minds become open to the powerful message of the story and maybe to happiness as well.

So pull up a chair, turn off the regrets of the past and the fears of the future, take a deep breath and be present with story - listen, read, write or watch. You'll learn, you'll laugh, you'll energize new ideas... and perhaps you just might find a little happiness too. 

*Repurposed from the 2013 Welcome Message at the Timpanogos Storytelling Conference.

Reflections on the Boston Marathon Bombing

Whenever I hear about horrific events like the bombing that took place this week in Boston, I always think, “Someone’s been listening to the wrong stories.” 

We’ve all wondered what kind of thinking would lead to such a dire choice. Peter Coleman, psychologist and author of The Five Percent: Finding Solutions to Seemingly Impossible Conflicts, offers some insights. He says “In almost all difficult conflicts, people’s way of thinking and feeling can freeze into something like this: ‘We’re all good and they’re evil.’ This creates a huge wall between people that acts to fortify their hate.” 

Those who are frozen operate in a feedback loop where they only listen to stories that feed their good/evil viewpoint. These stories can escalate feelings until people feel justified in committing atrocities in the name of fighting evil. Whether a terrorist group or a disgruntled individual the process is the same.

Mirrors or Windows

We all participate in this feedback loop on some level. Think about your views on a  political issue or candidate or a person with whom you’ve had a long-standing grudge. What kind of stories do you tell yourself or listen to? When you look at them are you looking at a mirror or a window? Even if your worst atrocity is to slaughter civility, I think the cost is worth looking at. 

The Stolen Ax

An old Taoist parable tells of a woodcutter who cannot find his ax. He was beside himself when he noticed the neighbor’s son standing near the woodshed. He thought,

“Look how shifty he looks. I’m always a good judge of character and I can plainly see he’s guilty.” 

Although he could not prove it, the woodcutter vowed revenge on the boy. The next day, the woodcutter found his ax lying by a pile of wood, right where he had left it. The next time he saw the boy, he thought,

“That’s funny, somehow the boy has lost his guilty look.”

Cracks in the Wall

Fortunately, this week has also shown us that light always follows dark. When negative stories create chaos, a vacuum forms that fills with positive stories. It only took moments to hear of people stepping in to rescue and sacrifice; culminating in a whole city opening its doors to anyone in need. These are the stories I believe in. 

Dr. Coleman says that cracks can begin in even the most intractable wall of hate and fear. They are caused by people who are willing to sneak over the wall and share new stories - stories from diverse voices - stories that remind us of our shared humanity. I believe this is one of the bravest things a person can do.

Safe Places

If you were asked what’s the most important aesthetic about creating Theatre for Young Audiences (TYA), what would your answer be? A week ago I pondered that during a group discussion at the Write Now Conference led by Jason Loewith, former director of the National New Play Network. The room was filled with TYA playwrights, directors, artistic directors and professors from across the nation. I heard a lot of great answers:  theatre should challenge ideas, inspire conversations, illuminate diverse voices, and provide hope. I listened for a long time, until my own answer synthesized...

I believe that theatre for young audiences should provide a safe place to explore a scary world.

It’s not a be-all, end-all answer, but it was the one that resonated with me the deepest. I’ve decided the same holds true for all story and it’s one of the reasons I love story so much. It creates a space for us to rattle around in someone else’s skin, try new ideas on for size and risk making mistakes - all from the safe distance of our comfortable chairs. 

That doesn’t mean that story can’t be uncomfortable or painful even. El Gallo’s line from the play The Fantastiks illuminates part of a playwright or storyteller’s job: 

Who understands why spring is born out of winter's laboring pain? 

Or why we all must die a bit before we grow again? 

I do not know the answer, I merely know it's true 

I hurt them for that reason. And myself a little bit, too.

But no matter where the journey leads, the story always leads us home again. I hope this blog will also provide a similar safe place, where story and the human experience can be explored in all its complexity.